- “I guess I’ve been working so hard, I forgot what it’s like to be hardly working.”
- “Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, ‘Would an idiot do that?’ And if they would, I do not do that thing.”
- “‘You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take — Wayne Gretzky’ — Michael Scott.”
- “I have a lot of questions. Number one, how dare you?”
- “I guess I’ve been working so hard, I forgot what it’s like to be hardly working.”
- “Everything I have I owe to this job. This stupid, wonderful, boring, amazing job.”
- “I’m totally fine. Everything is going to be totally fine.”
- “Sometimes I feel like everyone I work with is an idiot. And by sometimes I mean all times. All the time. Every of the time!”
- “I am about to do something very bold in this job that I’ve never done before. Try.”
- “Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.”
- “I do deserve a vacation. Sometimes Batman’s gotta take off his cape.”
- “Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it’s not like a compulsive need to be liked. Like my need to be praised.”
- “Powerpoints are the peacocks of the business world; all show, no meat.”
- “I live by one rule: No office romances. No way. Very messy. Inappropriate. No. But, I live by another rule: Just do it… Nike.”
- “I work hard all day. I like knowing that there’s going to be a break. Most days I just sit and wait for the break.”
- “I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good”
- “And I knew exactly what to do. But, in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.”
- “If I can’t scuba, then what’s this all been about? What am I working toward?”
- “We get to go home!”
- “When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.”
- “Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That’s one of my mottos.”
- “I have a lot of questions. Number one, how dare you?”
- “Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.”
- “I’ve been involved in a number of cults both as a leader and a follower. You have more fun as a follower but you make more money as a leader.”
- “The Taliban is the worst. Great heroin though.”
- “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”
- “This is ‘parkour’, the internet sensation of 2004. It was in one of the Bond films. It’s pretty impressive. The point is to get from point A to point B as creatively as possible, so technically they are doing parkour as long as point A is delusion and point B is the hospital.”
- “I’m not superstitious but I am a little stitious.”
- “I have been trying to get on jury duty every year since I was 18 years old. To get and go sit in an air-conditioned room, downtown, judging people, while my lunch was paid for. That is the life.”
- “Who says exactly what they’re thinking? What kind of a game is that?”
- “I am Beyonce, always.”
- “You guys I’m like really smart now. You don’t even know. You could ask me, Kelly what’s the biggest company in the world? And I’d be like, ‘blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah.’ Giving you the exact right answer.”
- “Mistletoe is not an excuse for sexual assault.”
- “Toby is in HR which technically means he works for corporate. So he’s not really a part of our family. Also he’s divorced… so he’s not really a part of his family.”
The Office US
