- After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
- I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
- I don’t mind dying. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
- Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
- Spike Milligan: ‘How are you at Mathematics?’. Harry Secombe: ‘I speak it like a native’.
- All men are cremated equal.
- Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one
- Spike: there’s only one cure for seasickness Somebody: what’s that? Spike: climb a tree
- I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
- I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
- Money couldn’t buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy.
- Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
- My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
- We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
- You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
- Clifford had a sister, but she had departed, that is, she caught the ten-twenty from Victoria.
- Contraceptives should be used on all conceivable occasions
Spike Milligan Joke
