- Yeah, I come as a chauffer. I feel a bit stupid now.
- This old broom has had 17 new heads and 14 new handles
- Thanks to you I am now a 26 year-old man who just came second in a skateboard race
- Rodney We didn’t know the fancy dress had been cancelled.
Trigger Me neither.
Rodney You mean, that’s your costume?
Trigger Yeah. I came as a chauffeur. [Thinks] I feel a bit stupid now.
Rodney Yeah, you do stand out.
- I’ve heard your line of patter my son. If they don’t know Adam Ant’s birthday or the Chelsea result it’s goodnight Vienna, innit?
- Tough? Tough? It’s the toughest chcicken I’ve ever known. It’s asked me for a fight in the car park twice!
- I have become dismayed, even shocked by the attitude of youth – but today you walked into this church and offered us this tree simply because you care. You have rekindled my faith in the human race. It’s not nicked is it?
- They ran his name through the computer but they didn’t have a patient called Trotter. But they did have a porter called Trotter. He left two weeks ago with 57 blankets, 133 pair of rubber gloves and the chief gynaecologist’s Lambretta!!
- Mike Why does he keep doing it, eh?
Boycie Gawd knows. I suppose at some time in is life someone told him he could play the piano.
Mike Yeah, but I’d like to meet the git who told him he could sing!
- Rodney He’s something else ain’t he? And what about all the currents they got round here eh we could have drifted anywhere by now.
Del Yes he’s right an’all ain’t he? We’re in the middle of the North Sea ain’t we? It’s got more currnets than a hot-cross bun.
- Boycie Everything was going well, we were having a lovely holiday…
Marlene (Cuts in) Shuddup moaning.
Boycie And then they turn up! And within fifteen seconds some sod’s shootin’ at us!
Marlene You’ve done nothing but moan ever since we left Washington!
Boycie Get that bloody boat in for God’s sake!
- Del How much exactly did it go for?
Rodney Six point two million. Just over three million each.
Del Well we’ve had worse days ain’t we?
Only Fools And Horses Quotes
Only Fools and Horses is a British sitcom, created and written by John Sullivan. Seven series were originally broadcast on BBC One in the United Kingdom between 1981 and 1991, with sporadic Christmas specials until 2003.