- No wonder Bob Geldof is such an expert on famine. He’s been feeding off I Don’t Like Mondays for 30 years.
- Surfing is both an ideological and semantic sin against nature.
- How long is it polite to pretend to continue to listen to someone after they’ve revealed they’ve got a boyfriend?
- I would define my looks as a Victorian Childcatcher. Or an S&M Willy Wonka who likes to use a riding crop on his own leg in his spare time.
- When I was 11, I used to binge-eat and make myself throw up. I was a fat kid. Obviously I didn’t quite master the bulimia.
- You know, the relationships we ‘ave, everything sort of bubbles under the surface. No one ever says what they actually mean, do they? It’s all a bit pappy and rubbish.
- Some people, I think they’re called racists, say America is not ready for a black president. But, I know America to be a forward-thinking country, right, because otherwise, you know, would you have let that retarded cowboy fella be president for eight years? We were very impressed. We thought it was nice of you to let him have a go, because, in England, he wouldn’t be trusted with a pair of scissors.
- One minute, he’s just a teenage lad in Alaska having joyful unprotected sex, the next minute: ‘Get to the Republican Convention!’ I think that is the best safe sex message of all time: ‘Use a condom, or become Republican!’
- So by being offended you’ve sorta acknowledged that you are thick, and none of us are, so we’re all back on speaking terms!
- So when I was staying with him, he went ‘alright, okay, so what time do you go to bed then?’ and I thought ‘fucking hell! he doesn’t know what he’s doing!! SHIIIIIIT!!’ I went ‘oooh, about, 10 oclock?’, ‘ah yeah, alright then’. YEEEES!! it’s like the same feeling that as an adult I would get walking through customs with heroin in my bottom. ‘I’m getting away with iiiiit!
Russell Edward Brand is an English comedian, actor, and author. In 2004, Brand achieved mainstream fame in the UK as the host of Big Brother’s Big Mouth, a Big Brother spin-off. In 2007, he had his first major film role in St Trinian’s.
Russell Brand Quotes Jokes
