Alrite. How’s it going?
I’ll be doing the Q&A in a bit for people in Australia. God knows how long I’ll do it for as I’m knackered now. The time difference makes it a bit of a ball ache. It’s at times like this I wish the whole world just ran on the same timezone. I know it would mean that some of the world would be working through the night but I did that for a few years and it wasn’t a problem. Maybe switch every year so we take it in turns who gets the daylight. Decide it on a toss of a coin. Could make it an event like when they decide who get’s the olympics. I don’t know if you do it in Australia but in the UK we have to change our clocks by an hour every year so it would be just like that but a bit more extreme. I don’t know why we still do it to be honest. They say it’s so farmers have light in the mornings or something but I don’t see why the farmers can’t just get up later to sort their crops instead of getting the whole country to mess with their watches. I came up with an idea ages ago of changing time. I worked out if we made a year 200 days instead of 365 it would change things for the better. I think it mean’t there would be only six months to a year. It would go from December to May so that we could keep Christmas cos I know that’s important to a lot of people. We’d have no summer months but the weather is always shite anyway so what’s the point in pretending we have a summer. I remember thinking the concept would also be good for doctors telling patients they were terminally ill as in the current way of time they might tell patients that they only have two years to live, in my system they would actually have four years which wouldn’t seem as bad. Anyway, as it is, we do have these time zones, so good morning Australia. I’m just going to put the cat out and say goodnight to Suzanne, make a cup of tea and get some biscuits and then i’ll start answering your questions around midnight UK time so bung your questions below.
Who is going to win the six nations?
I’m as interested as who’s gonna win The Voice.
Q: Would you ever consider meeting your doppelganger?
Think he’s do me head in. It wouldn’t work would it cos he’s want to do what I was doing at the same time wouldn’t he?
Would you feel the same way about timezones if you were working on a boat sailing west and getting a free hour (in my case I use it to sleep) every second night?
How many times have you broke your watch from having to change the time all the time?
Observation of today?
I realised I’m a boring man. Amazon sent me an email of things they thought I would be interested in. It contained a deal on car mats, pads for a steam vac and a Harold Shipman book.
Marry one, blow one, kill one: Ricky Gervais, Steve Merchant, Warwick Davis – GO!
Can I kill meself?
Karl will you ever join twitter?
I have but I don’t use it. Bit like most peoples gym membership.
whats your favourite album and whats the best concert you ever attended?
It changes all the time. Elvis is probably the most played. I like listening to John Cooper Clarke on BBC 6 Music at the moment. I find a lot of new music from him. Even though it’s old it’s still new to me.
What do you think of sales people Carl?
I’ve spent most of today talking to them. Been trying to get a better deal on me mobile. It does me head in how at the end of the call they ask if there is anything else they can help me with. They even say it when I call up to pay the congestion charge in London. Other than charge me £10 to drive into London what else can they possibly do for me. I’m gonna ask them to get me a bag of chips next time they ask.
Karl how many bags of chrisps do you eat a year?
So far I’d say I’ve had between 30-35
If you could be another celebrity for just one day, who would it be and why?
I wouldn’t want to be a celebrity. I think i’d rather chose to be a tapeworm. It’s only for a day and it would be different wouldn’t it. Getting to see the insides of someone. Most celebrities have got their head up their arse so in a way it’s kind of the same.
What’ve you been doing today, in preparation for tonight’s QnA?
Painted some wood preserver on some fence panels and tried to get a better deal on my mobile phone bill. Highlight was a brew and a chocolate eclair around 2:30.
What one piece of advice would you give someone that’s growing up?
Don’t go to Ikea on a Saturday.
He’s took one look at this lot and thought “fuck this I’m off to bed” lol
It has crossed my mind.
Karl, if you woke up with your ears fallen off and the doctor said they only can do two things: give you ears that could hear perfectly, but also you could hear the thoughts of any gay people around you whether you like it or not. OR you could have ears that heard things lower than normal, but you could hear Ricky from anywhere in the world all the time. Which would you pick?
I know the answer to this one… I think they asked it on University Challenge.
What’s the best thing you have learned from all your travels and the people you have met
Everywhere is becoming the same. Don’t know if you saw my trip to Vanuatu where I was with a tribe. The main chief walked about with clothes made of plants and feathers in his hair and he also had a bloody phone holder made of banana leaf for his bloody Nokia phone.
Communism or capitalism Carl?
Jesus…it’s ten past midnight. Can’t you just ask me if I’d prefer a pineapple for a hand or have to eat pineapple for the rest of my life like everyone else?
Hello Karl Pilkington can you reply to me please?
On your trips as an idiot abroad is there any time since hat you thought. Should I have redone the bungee jump and should I have stayed in the water with that shark a little longer or even go arse boaeding again with the abo’s down mount Fuji(?) Love the book, probably the funniest thing iv ever read so thanks to you youve made a day and a half happiest days of my life!
I wasted a lot of time learning the dance moves to that song ‘Superman’ that was out in the 1980’s but apart from that no real regrets.
He drinks Twinings English Breakfast. (Spared you an answer, mate.)
I’ve recently switched to Yorkshire. Though got annoyed when I noticed they have a twitter account advertised on the side of the box. Why would I constant updates from a teabag firm?
Did you actually find that turtle on moaning of life?
Yeh. I regretted it when it kept me up all night but it was the best feeling I’ve had on all of my trips when I got to release him. I wonder how it’s getting on at least once a week.
Karl did you watch the ashes ?
What are your thoughts or beliefs on existence in itself? as in why are we here what created all of this what do you think about conspiracy theories? what do you think of ricky gervais? and how he catapulted you to be known worldwide what are the three things in life you think most important and what would you like to be your legacy?
Think it was all a mistake. I don’t know why we’re all here. The planet is just a waiting room before we die. I think we’re just like a virus.
what do you think of the Iranian man who hasn’t showered in 60 years and smokes poop out of a pipe?
I think I went to school with him.
What would you do if you were the Doctor (Who)????
I couldn’t take on that job. I don’t think time machines are a good idea. It would just get abused. Cher sang that song ‘If I could turn back Time’ so she could sort her relationship problems out. I think Youtube is like a Time Machine the way you can find videos of stuff that has happened over the years……and on top of that videos of fat people falling off swings.
Would you consider doing another series with Ricky and Steve? Get them to travel with you, and see if they can cope with the stuff you’ve been through on your journeys. What about a series on science where you visit famous scientists and learn stuff from them?
Wanted them to but they sent Warwick with me instead.
Would you rather, a pineapple for a hand OR only be able to eat pineapple for the rest of your life ?
Pineapple for a hand.
How long does it take to do your hair?
Depends what style I’m doing with it.
So what about people who have birthdays in the part of the year you want abolished?…only asking coz mines in july…would that mean i dont get any older but end up looking like a oap 38 year old
Celebrate it some other time. What difference does it really make?
Hi Karl! Have you figured out whether you’re in charge of your brain or the brain is in charge of you?
Brain is in charge.
Do you think anything significant will happen this year?
Who knows. That’s what makes life interesting though innit. Lifes like cleaning a out a toaster, you think you’ve seen it all, you push the toaster to it;s position and more crumbs fall out. Not as catchy as life is like a box of chocolates I know.
are you coming back to new zealand
yeh I forgot me keys
What does suzanne think of your cult-like status of fame?
Like me she thinks it’s a load of old arse.
Forget Australia, when are you coming to New Zealand?
Been there. I liked it until I was put in a sorb ball and pushed over a golf course. Don’t know which part it was but I was sick near the 18th hole.
Has your dad put anyone in a wheely bin recently?
Spoke to him about that recently. He said it wasn’t him. It was his mate Steve who did it.
Can you come to NZ to do an episode of idiot abroad?
I did. Ep1 of series 2. Stood on the edge of that big bungee you’ve got there.
Alright. Are you, Ricky and, Stephen going to do another Idiot Abroad series?
Nah. It’s all been done. They got a man to stick his finger up my arse to check my prostate…. honestly… it was a good time to stop.
If you were in a time paradox, and there were infinite Karls, how would you know which one you were?
I’d be the nob ed doing a Facebook Q&A at midnight when all the others were in bed.