Chat up lines:
- Is your name Laura El? Cos you’re worth it.
- Is your name Gilette? Cos you’re the best a man can get.
- Where are you from, Planet Beautiful?
- What language do you speak *snogging noise*
- Where are you from, Heaven?
- Is your dad a cement mixer? Cos you is making me well hard
Stand up:
- My grandad died at our annual Alton Towers tripp, and he died on the Nemesis ride,
But at least we got a photo of him before he passed away – Well we would have, but twelve quid? Fuck That! - Without drugs, I would have never got my job… Selling drugs.
- Scotland, the place where everyone knows about the prehistoric monster that lives in Loch Ness, also a country where a drinking problem is not being able to finish off a bottle of vodka by yourself. Coincidence?
- I was arrested the other night and from the one call I got, I called a sex line. My Wife was well mad. She hates it when I call her at work.
- Scousers say ‘Boss’ when somethings really good. Everyone else uses ‘Boss’ to mean person in charge at work, but of course they don’t need a word for that in Liverpool.
Lee Nelson quotes
