- My husband can do the work of two men. Unfortunately those men are Laurel and Hardy
- I was worried about my health, so I went to see my GP. I said “Is it too late for me as a fat middle aged woman?” He said “No, it’s never too late, just do something a couple of times a week that gets you slightly out of breath.”
So I started smoking again.
- I’ve got a soft spot for Nick Clegg. Face down on Hackney marshes.
- Anything is good if it’s made of chocolate.
- They say revenge is a dish best eaten cold, but for most people, by the time it’s ready to eat, they just don’t fancy it any more.
- I like men. They are hugely entertaining, but they have a lot of shortcomings and you just have to bear those in mind.
Jo Brand Jokes