Comedy Quotes » Summer Heights High Quotes

Summer Heights High Quotes

Summer-Heights-High

  • “That’s what I always say, she’s stolen that from me. ‘On and off stage.’”
  • “Well I’m in one of my off years at the moment. I direct every second production, um, so this is Meredith’s turn this year. I tend to do the ‘wow!’ shows and then each year – every second year – we do the traditionals.”
  • “The role of Annabel – the real Annabel Dickson was quite a, I guess a sexy girl and had a lot of, a wild quality. And I think there are some girls who have that at the school, so I am asking some of the sluttier girls to get involved.”
  • “If you had to choose below or above bellybutton, which direction would you head?”
  • “You’ve got thighs like an elephant and you’ve got a face like a bloody horse. Who’s gonna pay to see you on stage? Who? Excellent. That was good, you handled that well.”
  • “A little more effort, please. I thought black people were supposed to have rhythm.”
  • “Don’t let your weight drag you down please, sweetheart.”
  • “Yeah they didn’t make it. Sorry, it’s a no go I’m afraid.”
  • “It’s G time not free time.”
  • “How’s that making you feel, boys?”
  • “I’m a party girl with a bad habit, a bad habit for drugs. I’m naughty girl with a bad habit, a bad habit for drugs.”
  • [singing] “I’m a teacher that’s for sure! In a world of crazy kids. Acting is my life. At Summer Hights High!”
  • “Mr G is a triple threat – he can sing, he can act, he can dance. Is there a kid out there that can do it? I hope so.”
  • “She turns, she sluts her way off. Excellent.”
  • “Do you want a smack?”
  • “Keep that head to the front please, do not look self-conscious.”
  • “I bring the kids in, I divide them into two groups. One group is my cast, the other group has been rejected!”
  • “Candice, you’re Annabel. Matt, you’re Mr G. Celine, you’re Celine.”
  • “You’re in the show! You’re in the show everyone, hug me!”
  • “I think for some kids, it’s better that they know now than find out later in life they’ve got no talent. I always say they’ll thank me one day.”
  • “Well one of my big duties, and I’ve been doing it for about the last five years or so, is evacuation procedures. I find that I use my acting skills to create the drama of the situation. It adds a lot of realism and it really freaks the kids out.”
  • “One big problem that a lot of schools are having to deal with at the moment is terrorism. It’s a big issue, so I have a drill, which caters for that too. And I also do what I call a random drill, which is, I just spring some kind of emergency onto the kids and we see how they deal with it.”
  • “There’s a terrorist attacking the school! I’m serious! Get down! Get in a tight ball, everyone!”
  • “There’s a kid in the school with a gun! There’s a kid with a gun!”
  • “There’s a paedophile in the school! There’s a paedophile, he’s in the school. Get out!”
  • “Roll it, roll it, keep it sexy. Remember you’re having the best night of your lives. Wiggle the bum more please, Candice.”
  • “We are midway through rehearsals for Annabel Dickson: The Musical and the machine, I call it, is finding it’s rhythm.”
  • “These are for the cutters; the kids that are into the cutting on the arms. So various sort of suicidal themes, which the teenagers are into.”
  • “I’m finding that I’m weaving the character of Mr G into the musical a lot more than I expected I would.”
  • “These are our slut outfits. The slut outfits that the girls will wearing in the nightclub scene.”
  • “They’ve had a life of not being good enough! Surely they know it by now.”
  • “What sort of teaching environment has poo on the floor? That’s all it would take here, isn’t it? Just… put a bit of poo on the floor and they’d shut us down.”
  • “Rodney, could you jot down ramps and masks, please.”
  • “She used to do a trick where she’d grab onto my arm. She’d bite onto the sleeve and I’d swing her around.”
  • “Well the shit has well and truly hit the fan this week. There’s been some major, major creative interference with the arena spectacular. Annabel Dickson’s parents have read the script, and they’ve decided that I cannot use their daughter’s story for my musical. Ten days out from opening night… I cannot fathom the selfishness of it.”
  • “The character of Mr G in this new reworked show, he’s a Jesus type figure, if you like. He preaches to the kids about their, you know, their issues.”
  • [singing] “The smell of children. The smell of children together. The smell of life.”
  • “What do you call that? Looks like a bloody brain dead retard. Jesus Christ, only a mother could love it.”
  • “Do you realize you look like a moron on stage?”
  • “The kids know that I don’t mean most of what I say. I’m really a big pussy cat.”
  • “I’m sick of you giving me your stupid opinions and saying your stupid things into my face. I’m sick of your voice Rodney. Why don’t you take a chill pill, idiot?”
  • “Careful with that ball on my steps. Take them out, you’re freaking out my dog.”
  • “I wouldn’t tell the kids this, but I am literally freaking out.”
  • “We do not have a Mr G, so I’m… freaking out. Matthew’s a little prick for leaving, and he will never be in another show again.”
  • “I’m not going to smile. Don’t put me on the spot, please.”
  • “He’s not overplaying the character like Matthew did. He’s not sort of, you know, poncing around. He’s bringing a sort of masculine quality to the role, which is more in keeping with the Mr G character.”
  • “Kids are very nasty and Toby deals with a lot of that stuff. He has to deal with being called, ‘You spaz!’ ‘You retard! ‘Spastic!’ Um, what else do you get? Nuff nuff.”
  • “And I know how he feels. I had a difficult school time myself. I went to an all boys’ school and I went by my real name in those days, which is Helen – the ancient Greek masculine version of the name. And you can imagine, at a boys’ school with a name like Helen Gregson it was not easy.”
  • “I used to wear my pants fairly high in those days ‘cause I was a dancer. That’s just how we wore them then. So, ‘Helen, stop pulling your pants up you big poof.’ Nasty things like that.”
  • “When am I getting my arena seating, for the show? When are you opening up your budget and giving a little bit to drama, for once? When am I getting my basketball hoop down? When am I getting some support from you?”
  • “You need to give me a chance to make it big. Once I finish the show and build the performing arts centre the kids’ll becoming in droves. You know that. And I need your help, I don’t need Meredith.”
  • “I’m so sick of you. I’m sick of this stupid school, and you’re all pathetic. I’ve built that drama department up from the shit hole that it was when I came here and you’ve never appreciated me for doing that. You’ve never thanked me. You’ve never said, ‘Greg, thank you for what you’ve done.’”
  • “You know, I could’ve taken a different road. I could’ve been huge by now if I’d taken a different path in my life; I could’ve been famous, I could’ve been massive. Instead I’ve just chosen to waste my time in a pathetic school with loser teachers and idiots like you!”
  • “I’m better than all of you people out there. I’m better than all of you. I try to bring a little of hope, a little bit of magic into the school. I try to have a dream, I dare to have a dream that’s big and you shove it in my face.”
  • “Shoot me for wanting to dream. Shoot me for giving the kids something to aspire to. I’m bloody resigning. I’m so sick of it. Shove it up your arse, Margaret.”
  • “There’s my letter of resignation and there’s some flowers for my dead dog, why don’t you stick those up your fat arse?”
  • “Fuck off everyone! I’m gone.”
  • “I’ve got the whole staff signing one of those – the big over-sized cards, that I went and got at recess from the newsagent.”
  • “I’ve said goodbye to good friends. I’ve gone around to my favourite teachers. I’m not gonna say goodbye to everyone; I don’t like everyone.”
  • “It’s difficult for me sometimes, taking the back seat in my off years. I find it hard sort of sitting back and letting her, you know, do her thing. Sometimes like, ‘What’s she doing?!’ But that’s her choice. She makes choices that I don’t always agree with.”
  • “Can I get two strong boys to help me?”
  • “I have done lord knows how many shows over the years. I tend to do the more modern or cutting-edge productions, and I write my own stuff, original musicals. I’ve had a fair bit of critical acclaim for that, and this is the show I did last year, Tsunamarama, which was about the tsunami tragedy, set to the music of Bananarama.”
  • “My name is Greg Gregson. The kids at school call me Mr. G., which is one of the – sort of an abbreviation some of the more popular teachers seem to get – and I’ve been a senior drama teacher here at Summer Heights for nine years now.”
  • “Coffee, coffee, coffee before we teachy, teachy!”
  • “Always interested in the performing arts – singing, dancing, acting, and Mum always says that even as a baby, other babies were crying and, in a sort of monotonal way, but if I’d call out to Mum, rather than, ‘mum!” like other kids, I would go.’ mu-um’. You know, sort of, ‘mu-um.’”
  • “I remember I choreographed the whole Xanadu soundtrack and performed it for my friends at my 9th birthday.”
  • “I did many musicals. I did Starlight Express, that was a one-man show. I did Cats, that was just a cabaret, one-man. Probably the one that you may have even heard of, I did Bubble Wrap, which was me and a couple of other boys. I would emerge from various types of packaging.”
  • “I was at industry level at that stage, and I thought, ‘Hang on, I know a job where I can sing and I can dance and I can act every day, and get paid for it.’ And it was drama teaching.”
  • “Welcome to the magical world of drama!”
  • “I’m always joking with the principal. I always say to Margaret, ‘you’ve got yourself an entertainment industry professional for the price of a teacher! So where’s my pay rise?’”
  • “We used to have huge bushes here once, but we had a girl raped behind them so we had to have them removed, chopped down. Um, and as you can see, the kids have done an anti-rape mural behind, which is nice.”
  • “Hello! This is um, Toby, one of our specials from the special education centre that we have here at the school. That’s a separate part of the school, down the bottom, but we allow them to play with the normal kids at recess and lunch.”
  • “Normally you’re not allowed to touch them like this, the students at the school, because of the child protection laws, but we usually turn a blind eye with these ones. You know, this sort of thing’s fine. That sort of thing – not fine. Fine, not fine.”
  • “My drama classroom is my, my haven. It’s where I, I come alive.”
  • [singing] “Welcome to Mr G’s room, G’s room, G’s room. Welcome to Mr G’s room, come inside!”
  • “My teaching methods are fairly unique. I get pretty experimental, and I go crazy sometimes. I just let loose.”
  • “Thank god you’re here! Where’ve you been, bitch?”
  • “Boring is not a word that you hear in this room. If there’s something boring to do, then we find a fun way of doing it.”
  • “I’m gonna slap you, Emily! I’m gonna slap you!”
  • “One thing that I like to do from time to time is I just perform for the kids for a whole lesson, just to give them a sort of benchmark of how things are done, so they can see how someone at a professional industry level handles the performance side of things. And that, in a way, gives them confidence.”
  • “Dance doesn’t discriminate, virtually anyone can do it. They have some interesting moves that I’ve never seen before in normal people. Their bodies move in a different way.”
  • “They had a boy over there that was bashed into a coma after a bullying incident, and one of the drama teachers wrote a musical about it.”
  • “Celine has an oversized brain. She’s got one of the largest brains for a dog of her age and species. As you can see that’s how you’re meant to hold them, that’s the brain, just at the front there.”
  • “Drama changes lives.”
  • “Thank god you’re here, Grandma’s been raped.”
  • “You have to be very careful when it comes to personal property. I have an ‘I don’t touch yours, you don’t touch mine’ policy.”
  • “And you’ll have an awkward moment where you say, ’That’s my plunger’, and you know, difficulty arises there.”
  • “Nothing drives me crazier than a messy kitchen.”
  • “Well it’s been and incredible morning. Margaret called me into her office this morning, and the news has been life-changing, to say the least.”
  • “Just before you go, can I just mention to everyone that Margaret and I have discussed that instead of Head of Drama I will now be known as Director of Performing Arts, so any paperwork or issues, that will be my new title.”
  • “Yes, yes, yes, bloody hell, yes! Let’s go back to the office.”
  • “I’m Director of Performing Arts. Spread it!”
  • “The students are pumped. They are, yeah. The applause that I got from my year nines this morning, I just went in, I went ‘I’m director of Performing Arts!’ And the applause was just unbelievable”
  • “Celine, don’t wipe your bum on the photo of Meredith. Don’t wipe your bum on it!”
  • “The staff are really exited too. Everyone’s giving me a little, doing a little that, when I walk past in the corridor, eyebrow raise thing, when usually they look away.”
  • “No I do don’t do my Kermit voice, Rodney.”
  • “I’ve got nine years of idea’s that’ve been botted away. And I feel like the lid’s been lifted and I’m gonna explode all over the school.”
  • “As of today you guys come under the umbrella of performing arts – so it’s music, dance, drama – I’m director of performing arts, so I will now be your superior.”
  • “I mean that’s just downright dangerous. That could come off and just go straight into a student.”
  • “Settle down, please. There is nothing you can do about this. I’m the boss of the department so you can’t go any higher than me. Please! Settle down.”
  • “Move! Or I’ll run you down.”
  • “I’m in my, what I call my search phase at the moment. This is where I come up with my ideas for my musicals. I seek inspiration, I look around, take things in.”
  • “About four years ago I did a show called Downloading, which was a musical about a computer that falls in love with it’s owner, and I came up with that idea simply from sitting at home in front of my computer and thinking, ‘oh, imagine if that computer fell in love with me.’”
  • “I pride myself on being able to come up with songs in a flash. I usually, I say to people, ‘Give me a word and I’ll give you a song.’”
  • [singing] “Playground play come and play in the playground. Playground…”
  • [singing] “Rodney’s coming over, to watch a DVD. Who’s cooking dinner? Not me!”
  • “Just a reminder that I’ve got some tissues here if anyone needs them.”
  • “I worked out who Annabel is, or was, and turns out she was very good friends with a couple of my year 11 drama girls. So yeah, that’s been quite a cool little connection there.”
  • “So who’s been to her house? Did you guys ever go to her house?”
  • “This is a photo of Annabel that I stole from the front office. As you can see, she’s a beautiful young girl, so that’s disappointing that she’s done what she did.”
  • “It’ll be on the news tonight, I reckon. That’ll be good. Well, it’s not good, but…”
  • “Is it true that she was anorexic?”
  • “She was into the boys in a big way. She was what the kids would call a ‘slut’, which… terrible thing to say about someone who’s just died, but apparently there’s no denying she was one.”
  • [singing] “Annabel, Annabel, Annabel… you’re a slut.”
  • “I can’t think of a better way to commemorate a student’s life than to write a musical about them.”
  • [singing] “Annabel Dickson. When girls take drugs, and then they die. Who would have thought, at Summer Heights High? On days like these, it’s a bummer heights high.”
  • [singing] “She’s a party girl with a bad habit, a bad habit for drugs. She’s a slut and she knows it. She wants to root all the boys. She can’t help taking the drugs on a Saturday night.”
  • [singing] “Ecstasy. Ecstasy. E, E, E, E, ecstasy.”
  • [singing] “She can’t help being a slut on a Saturday night.”
  • “I’m known around the school for having an above-average sense of smell, so I use my nose to control certain behaviours.”
  • “I like to sniff the kids most mornings, just randomly in the corridors, checking for various odours. Cigarette smoke, graffiti pens, alcohol, cannabis, that sort of thing.”

Summer Heights High Quotes

Summer Heights High is an Australian television mockumentary series written by and starring Chris Lilley.