• “My greatest hero is Nelson Mandela……incarcerated for 25 years, he was released in 1990, he’s been out about 18 years now……and he hasn’t reoffended.”
  • 1st of december, World Aids Day….I don’t think it’ll ever take off like Christmas.
  • I’m not from these parts. I`m from a little place called England – we used to run the world before you lot.
  • Apparently, I don’t know if this is true but I hope it is, I’ve heard it from a few reports, when we went up to get our awards apparently Clint Eastwood turned to someone that he was with and went, Who the fuck are they?
  • Ebony and Ivory. No more racism now. That one’s done.
  • You’re an idiot. What you think an African family wakes up and there’s a little goat with a ribbon tied round it? And they go, ‘Oh look what Santa brought us!
  • Where there’s a will-there’s a relative!
  • They have bits sliced off and tied up and sucked out. I want to say to them, ‘You lazy f—ing fat pig. Just go for a run and stop eating burgers. You might fucking die’

Ricky Gervais Jokes