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Men Behaving Badly Quotes

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Men-Behaving-Badly

  • [Tony has been trying to tattoo himself with a darning needle] It was going to read “Deborah, I love you”, but now I’m just going for “Deb”.
  • [trying to get Deborah to sleep with him, she is into astrology at the time] I must lie down here in conjunction with you…
  • Bed? Beds are for sleepy people! Let’s get a kebab and go to a disco!
  • Tony: Why does Dorothy still live with her parents?
    Gary Strang: Her Mother keeps threatening to kill herself if she moves out, I think she should risk it.
  • Neville: [doing a crossword puzzle] Twelve across, five letters, god. That’s got to be Jesus, right?
    Tony: They’re not the same thing, though, are they?
    Neville: Yeah, Jesus is the same as God, isn’t he? A bit younger.
  • Let’s face it Tony, the only way you’re gonna be in there is that if you’re both marooned on a deserted island and she eats a poisonous berry or a nut which makes her temporarily deaf, dumb, stupid, forgetful and desperate for sex.
  • Dermot: See the graffiti in the gents has reached new heights of literacy.
    Gary Strang: Oh yeah, whats it say?
    Dermot: “West-Ham is a poof”.
  • Dorothy: You really are a yob aren’t you Gary?
    Gary Strang: On the contrary, I think I’m remarkably sensitive.
    Dorothy: Oh, that must be why you refer to Luciano Pavarotti as “that fat git”.
  • Deborah: Oh look Tony I’m really sorry if I’ve hurt you.
    Tony: How do you mean?
    Deborah: Oh, y’know, me going out with Ray.
    Tony: Hardly even noticed to be honest.
    Deborah: So why did you open the window and shout “get lost smug estate agent bastard” at him?
    Tony: No, you see that wasn’t him, that was this other estate agent on the other side of the road.
    Deborah: And he says he caught you pushing potato peelings through his car window.
    Tony: Oh yeah, I did do that. What, so you want me to stop?
  • George: Y’know, I think marriage is tremendous.
    Gary Strang: I hate to be cynical George, but you think Croydon is tremendous.
  • [talking about women’s pain threshold] I mean, look at the fuss women make about child birth. Now, I’m not saying it doesn’t smart a bit, but if blokes did it, I reckon you’d be looking at, what, give birth, have a couple of Paracetamol, maybe a bit of a nap and then back to work within the hour.
  • Gary doesn’t understand periods. He thinks they’re something to do with the moon.
  • Gary Strang: Do you remember “The Magic Roundabout”?
    Others: Yeah…
    Gary Strang: What the hell was that all about?
  • Gary Strang: You know Felicity Kendell?
    Deborah: Yes.
    Gary Strang: She was deliciously pert, wasn’t she?
  • Gary Strang: You know Felicity Kendell?
    Deborah: Yes.
    Gary Strang: She was deliciously pert, wasn’t she?
  • Deborah: What are you thinking?
    Tony: I was just wondering what colour your bush is.
    Deborah: What?
    Tony: I was just wondering what car rubbish is.
  • Dorothy: Maybe I should move down here.
    Gary Strang: Nah, you’d miss the sophisticated city talk.
    Dorothy: What, you and Tony discussing the most comfortable pants you’ve ever had?
    Gary Strang: That’s a bit unfair.
    Dorothy: Oh, look at those lovely hedges.
    Gary Strang: …So what are the most comfortable pants you’ve ever had?
  • Carol: Women like sex too you know Gary.
    Gary Strang: Oh, do you!
  • (talking about women’s pain threshold) I mean, look at the fuss women make about child birth. Now, I’m not saying it doesn’t smart a bit, but if blokes did it, I reckon you’d be looking at, what, give birth, have a couple of Paracetamol, maybe a bit of a nap and then back to work within the hour.
  • Dorothy: Gary doesn’t understand periods. He thinks they’re something to do with the moon.
  • Dorothy: (Tony has just asked her what being pregnant is like) Everything’s twice the size it was nine months ago and I’m growing another head inside me.
  • Gary Strang: I have just accidentally knocked out the midwife.
  • Tony: (Drunk) DEBORAH! I fu***** LOVE YOU!
  • Dorothy: Gary, when I was away, did you sleep with a woman?
    Gary Strang: How do you mean, “woman”?
    Dorothy: A woman. You know, the ones with what you and Tony call “shirt potatoes”.
  • Gary Strang: (to a near-blind Tony) So washing your contact lenses in Fuzzy Peach shower gel isn’t a good idea, then?
  • Gary Strang: (upon finding out John has scratched one of his Barry White albums) What’s that?
    John: Oh yeah, huh, sorry.
    Gary Strang: Sorry? Barry’s face looks like it’s been under a train and you’re sorry?
    Mandy: Oh it’s only scratched the surface of the record.
    Gary Strang: Yeah, that’s where the needle goes you silly bi***!
  • Gary Strang: Yeah, that’s where the needle goes you silly bi***!
  • Dorothy: It’s not important.
    Gary Strang: I know it’s not.
    Dorothy: Well, actually, it is if we’re trying for a baby.
  • Tony: Karaoke!
    Ken: (Dubiously) Japanese Suicide Night?
  • Tony: (Tony has been trying to tattoo himself with a darning needle) It was going to read “Deborah, I love you”, but now I’m just going for “Deb”.
  • Tony: (trying to get Deborah to sleep with him, she is into astrology at the time) I must lie down here in conjunction with you…
  • Gary Strang: Bed? Beds are for sleepy people! Let’s get a kebab and go to a disco!
  • Tony: Why does Dorothy still live with her parents?
    Gary Strang: Her Mother keeps threatening to kill herself if she moves out, I think she should risk it.
  • Gary Strang: Her Mother keeps threatening to kill herself if she moves out, I think she should risk it.
  • Neville: (doing a crossword puzzle) Twelve across, five letters, god. That’s got to be Jesus, right?
    Tony: They’re not the same thing, though, are they?
    Neville: Yeah, Jesus is the same as God, isn’t he? A bit younger.
  • Gary Strang: Let’s face it Tony, the only way you’re gonna be in there is that if you’re both marooned on a deserted island and she eats a poisonous berry or a nut which makes her temporarily deaf, dumb, stupid, forgetful and desperate for sex.
  • Dermot: See the graffiti in the gents has reached new heights of literacy.
    Gary Strang: Oh yeah, whats it say?
    Dermot: “West-Ham is a poof”.
  • Dorothy: You really are a yob aren’t you Gary?
    Gary Strang: On the contrary, I think I’m remarkably sensitive.
    Dorothy: Oh, that must be why you refer to Luciano Pavarotti as “that fat git”.
  • Deborah: Oh look Tony I’m really sorry if I’ve hurt you.
    Tony: How do you mean?
    Deborah: Oh, y’know, me going out with Ray.
    Tony: Hardly even noticed to be honest.
    Deborah: So why did you open the window and shout “get lost smug estate agent ba*****” at him?
    Tony: No, you see that wasn’t him, that was this other estate agent on the other side of the road.
    Deborah: And he says he caught you pushing potato peelings through his car window.
    Tony: Oh yeah, I did do that. What, so you want me to stop?
  • George: Y’know, I think marriage is tremendous.
    Gary Strang: I hate to be cynical George, but you think Croydon is tremendou

Men Behaving Badly Quotes