Karl Pilkington Q&A

1) What does Suzanne say when you mention her fat arse? She can’t hear me saying it over the noise of her eating 2) Are you aware that you are a ‘hidden crush’ of many women? What use is that? 3) What is the one thing you do best? Clean windows 4) Is that the

Karl Pilkington The Moaning of Life

1) What does Suzanne say when you mention her fat arse?

She can’t hear me saying it over the noise of her eating

2) Are you aware that you are a ‘hidden crush’ of many women?

What use is that?

3) What is the one thing you do best?

Clean windows

4) Is that the real you on tv?

People always ask this. Yeh it’s me but it’s edited innit. As I’ve   said, Gordon Ramsey isn’t always elfin and blinding about overcooked carrots…. that bloke off grand designs isn’t always hanging around building sites. There’s loads of stuff they don’t use in the programme. read the book and you’ll see there’s stuff that doesn’t make it in.

5) Can you put a Fruit Pastille in your mouth without chewing it?

I can but then Suzanne will eat all the rest so I don’t bother.

6) What actually makes you happy?

I think I am quite happy I just don’t always show it. I don’t know why people think I’m miserable. The queen has a face like a slapped arse most of the time and no one has a go at her.

7) Would you ever consider doing I’m a celebrity? It would be the most watched show on the planet.

Nah. It’s not for me that. It would do my head in. I could handle the food cos i’ve eaten all that stuff already on my travels. I watched it last week and the stuff Iceland shows you in ad breads look worse.

8) just how much less enjoyable was your tea knowing you’d be trawling through all this nonsense after? (He’s just announced he’d had his tea.)

Yeh couldn’t properly enjoy it. I imagine it’s what it would be like having your last meal when you’re on death row.

9) Alright Karl, what’s the longest you went without a shit whilst on your travels filming An Idiot Abroad?

Three days. America. Was well fed up.

10) Why haven’t they had you on QI yet?

I wish I was there now….this is doing me head in. It’s like trying to read teletext . Everything keeps moving

11) If you could send Ricky and Stephen anywhere in the world, where would you send them

To get someone from Facebook so I knew what the bleeding hell I was doing! Complicated this.

12) HOW ON EARTH ARE YOU GOING TO READ 7 THOUSAND COMMENTS IN TWO HOURS!?

It’s not gonna happen is it. Honestly my heart is racing here. I made a cup of tea to have whilst answering the questions….that’s gone cold… I ain’t touched it.

13) Why can I not stop listening to yours, Ricky and Steves podcasts?

Ipod must be broke.

14) Should Scotland be independent?

Could work

15) Do you wear socks with holes in, basically wear them to destruction and get your money’s worth?

Yeh….and Suzanne hates it.

16) What are you getting suzanne for christmas?

I’m struggling. I almost bought her a toothpaste thing that squidges out every bit of toothpaste. £17 but the queue in the shop was too long. Got her some hair straighteners.

17 How has your life changed since the original series of an idiot abroad, and is it for the better?

I just get strangers saying hello. Oh and my car insurance has gone through the roof since being on the telly. Warwick Davis pays less than me! How can that be right?

18) Has done my nut in for so many years. If a lesbian dresses and acts like a man, is she really a lesbian or, in fact a girl that’s wants to be a boy and have a heterosexual relationship?

Always puzzled me that one.

19) Best invention you’ve recently discovered?

Too many inventions now. Have you seen that new telly that takes orders by voice? Wouldn’t work in our house over christmas as my dad would keeping saying “Turn this shit off!!!”

20) Was your tea nice?

Was alrite. Had a bit of garlic bread with it so that was a bonus

21) Where would you prefer to visit: the moon or under the sea?

Sea scares me as I’m not good at swimming and there’s a lot of bad stuff in it. Not worth visiting the moon as I think I’d just spend all my time trying to see if I could see me house

22) If you could make any one fruit go extinct/disappear, what would it be and why?

Pomegranate. Too much messing about. And Pineapples if not supplied in a tin.

23) When are you coming to Vegas?

Been there. It did me head in. Hotels are too big. When the hotel bloke helped carry me bags to my room I felt I had to let him stay the night before setting off back to reception.

24) was it as bad as it looked when you did an idiot abroad and did you really not no what was going on next.

Had no idea. It was the worst thing about it. Opening a kinder egg is the most surprise I want in me life.

25) Burger King or Little Chef?

KFC. Had one yesterday as a treat after the dentist. Trilogy box meal. Good value.

26) Last packet of monster munch on the planet would you give them Susan ?

Yeh…sick of em now. I’ve done about five book signings and people have given me about 300 bags.

27)  Did Steve successfully expand your mind?

Not really. I think they were more keen on trying to flatten it as they got me to do a land dive in Vanuatu.

Taken from /r/rickygervais

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