Friends Quotes



  • We were on a break!
  • Oh… my… God!
  • [Joey has packed an emergency kit with food, Mad-Libs and condoms]Chandler: Condoms?Joey: We don’t know how long we’re gonna be stuck here. We might have to repopulate the world.Chandler: And condoms are the way to do that?
  • How you doin’?
  • Rachel: See? Unisex.Joey: Maybe *you* need sex. I just had it a few days ago.Rachel: No, Joey, U-N-I-sex.Joey: I wouldn’t say no to that.
  • I grew up in a house with Monica, okay. If you didn’t eat fast, you didn’t eat.
  • Phoebe: So let’s say I’m the interviewer and I’m meeting you for the first time. Okay. Hi. Come on in, I’m uh, Regina Philange.Chandler: Chandler Bing.Phoebe: Bing, what an unusual name.Chandler: Well you should meet my uncle, Bada.


    Chandler: I’ll let myself out.

  • I’m not so good with the advice… Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
  • [Right after playing a song in the coffee shop ] If you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer.
  • Monica: You wanted it to be a surprise.Chandler: Oh, my God.Monica: Chandler, in all my life I never thought I would be so lucky as to fall in love with my best, my best…[crying]

    Monica: There’s a reason why girls don’t do this.

    Chandler: Okay, okay I’ll do it. I thought, wait I can do this, I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you, that you make me happier than I ever thought I could be and if you let me I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. Monica, will you marry me?

    Monica: Yes.

  • [Joey just got ordained via the internet so that he could perform Monica and Chandler’s wedding]Joey: Hey, I started working on what I’m going to say at the ceremony. Wanna hear it?Monica, Chandler: Yeah.Joey: We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special love that Monica and Chandler share.

    [Monica and Chandler look impressed]

    Joey: It is a love based of giving and receiving as well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and love and have… and receive.


    Joey: Okay, you guys, I’ve got a little more written… are you ready?

    Chandler: Yeah, yeah. Okay.

    Joey: When I think of the love that these two givers and receivers share, I cannot help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving and giving… and then I can’t think of a good word for right here.

    Monica: How bout receiving?

    Joey: Yes!

  • [Rachel is upset about something]Phoebe: Aww Pheebs.Rachel: Honey, that’s your name.Phoebe: Oh, Pheebs is short for Phoebe I thought that’s just what we called each other.
  • Chandler: I got her machine.Joey: Her answering machine?Chandler: No. Interestingly enough, her leaf blower picked up.
  • Joey: Rach, you gotta find out if he’s in the same place you are. Otherwise, it’s just a moo point.Rachel: A moo point?Joey: Yeah. It’s like a cow’s opinion. It just doesn’t matter. It’s moo.Rachel: Have I been living with him too long or did that all just make sense?
  • Rachel: You know, Ben, I was your daddy’s girlfriend.Ben: But you’re not anymore. Because you were on a break.
  • Ross: [frantically presses buttons on answering machine] Oh my God! Did she get off the plane? Did she get off the plane?Rachel: [from behind] I got off the plane.
  • [after hearing about Chandlers breakup with Janice]Phoebe: Where’s Chandler?Joey: He’s grieving.[We see Chandler running outside]

    Chandler: I’M FREE. I AM FREE.

  • Joey: I can’t believe Ross is going out with Rachel’s sister. Ya know, when Chandler made out with my sister, I was mad at him for, like, ten years.Chandler: That was five years ago.Joey: I know. You got five more years.Chandler: Joey…

    Joey: You want to make it six?

  • Monica: I’m Rachel. I love Ross. I hate Ross. I love Ross. I hate Ross.Rachel: I’m Monica. I can’t get a boyfriend so I’ll stumble across the hall and sleep with the first guy I find there.
  • First divorce: wife’s hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second divorce: said the wrong name at the altar, kind of my fault. Third divorce: they shouldn’t let you get married when you’re that drunk and have stuff drawn all over your face, Nevada’s fault.
  • Ross: What are you doing tonight?Chandler: Why, do you have a lecture?Ross: No.Chandler: Free as a bird, what’s up?
  • I’m Joey. I’m disgusting. I make low-budget adult films.
  • I don’t want my baby’s first words to be “How You Doing”
  • Joey: Ninety-five, ninety-six, ninety-seven. See, I told you. Less than a hundred steps from our place to here.Chandler: You’ve got waaaay too much free time.
  • Rachel: …How many centimeters am I dilated? Eight? Nine?Dr Long: Three.Ross: Just three? I’m dilated three!
  • [Ross and Rachel are trying to decide a name for their baby]Ross: OK, how about Ruth?Rachel: Oh, I’m sorry, are we having an 89 year old woman?
  • Guys can fake it? Unbelievable! The one thing that’s ours!
  • [Ross and Rachel are picking out names for their baby, and have each 5 vetoes]Ross: Curie.Rachel: Veto. Rain.Ross: Veto. Mark.

    Rachel: Veto. Vince.

    Ross: Veto. Lance.

    Rachel: Veto. James.

    Ross: Hmmm…

    Rachel: If it’s a girl.

    Ross: Veto.

    Phoebe: Is it just me, or is Vito beginning to sound real good?

  • I can handle this. “Handle” is my middle name. Actually, “handle” is the middle of my first name.
  • [Phoebe, Chandler, Joey, and Monica are trapped in Monica’s bedroom]Joey: I’m hungry.Phoebe: We could eat the wax. It’s organic.Chandler: Oh great, food with hair on it.

    Phoebe: No, not the used wax.

    Chandler: Because THAT would be crazy.

  • Chandler still thinks I’m pregnant and he hasn’t asked me how I’m feeling or offered to carry my bags. I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him.
  • Rachel: Can you take care of Emma just for today?Ross: Sure, just lend me your breasts and we’ll be on our way.
  • All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don’t input those numbers… it doesn’t make much of a difference.
  • [Chandler’s roommate, Eddie has just accused him of sleeping with his ex girlfriend and killing his fish]Phoebe: Why would you kill his fish?Chandler: Because, Phoebe, sometimes after you sleep with someone you have to kill a fish.
  • Monica: You don’t like the game, because you suck at it.Chandler: I don’t suck at it. It sucks. And you suck.
  • Monica: Now come on, Chandler, the Miami Vice soundtrack? Really?Chandler: They were just giving it away at the mall…[Monica stares]Chandler: …in exchange for money.
  • [Monica knocks]Chandler: You can’t come in.Monica: Why not?Chandler: Because, uh, Ross is naked.

    Ross: What?

    Chandler: Well, I couldn’t tell her *I* was naked. She’s allowed to see me naked.

    Ross: Why does *anyone* have to be naked?


Friends Quotes