Derek Quotes

Derek Quotes comedyquotes.tv

  • 8oz of pure blood sausage, comin’ right at ya
  • I go around spraying my Intimately Beckham everywhere, stops you feeling sick.
  • How’d you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up as a choir boy.
  • I’d happily do her even if she was pregnant with venereal disease.
  • Oh I’ll just let you know for your form, that toaster I’ve given it a go, it’s fine, I had a lovely bit of toast no danger, no-ones died.
  • They deserve all the same pleasures as everyone else. Just ‘cos they’re old, weak and poor – they’re forgotten.
  • I’ve got no chance with you. Unless your a prostitute or smack head or summink.
  • It’s not that hard Roger, it’s 3 wires innit? Brown, blue and sort of Earth. Put them in the right place and you’re away.
  • Go into WHSmith and look at the book chart, every one is a cook book. Any they wonder why the country is getting fat.
  • Derek – We need Kev. Dougie – We don’t need Kev. Kev is never needed. That’s a sentence that should never be said. We don’t need Kev.
  • I pretends not to get jokes ‘cos it really annoys him.
  • Look at it, why would you ever make two of ‘em? It was made in China, they made one of ‘em, they turned the machine of immediately after they saw what they produced. We don’t need any more of ‘em in the world.
  • Oh I’ll just let you know for your form, that toaster I’ve given it a go, it’s fine, I had a lovely bit of toast no danger, no-ones died.
  • Where’s Kev? Dougie – He’s outside airing, he stinks.
  • Urgghh, just shat myself, meetings over.
  • I didn’t expect them to see Kev’s bollocks. None of us did.