• I can’t swim. I can’t drive, either. I was going to learn to drive but then I thought, well, what if I crash into a lake?
  • I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks like a likely candidate.
  • People walk past me in the street and look at me, but because they think I work in their office and they can’t remember my name.
  • I’m not a fighter, I’m a bleeder.
  • Don’t you DARE use party as a verb in my shop
  • When you’re born, you have a finger up your nose, the other hand on your dick, and you get taller. And that is really it.

Dylan Moran Quotes